


Listening To Hear Where You Are

by softlyforgotten



Category: Bandom, Phantom Planet, The Like, The Young Veins
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-22
Updated: 2011-08-22
Packaged: 2017-10-22 22:43:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/243393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softlyforgotten/pseuds/softlyforgotten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They put it on him just before breakfast.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Listening To Hear Where You Are

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: kink, use of blindfolds, established relationship.

They put it on him just before breakfast.

Ryan woke up feeling vaguely prickly, itching with something, and he didn't know what or why. Z was breathing lightly against the back of his neck, one leg slung over his hip, and Alex was in front of him, ass pressed against Ryan's dick. Ryan had a mouthful of Alex's hair. It was, in general, a pretty normal way to wake up, and Ryan didn't know what was unsettling him, so he decided to ignore it. He made a face instead and sputtered Alex's hair out of his mouth, trying to manage it so he didn't make Alex shift away – Ryan was comfortable where he was – but it was enough to make Alex stir, grumbling to himself.

"Are you spitting on me, Ross?" Alex said, voice thick with sleep.

"I'm cleaning my tongue," Ryan told him. "You're going to give me furballs."

"You're a wuss," Alex said. "Stop complaining."

"I'm not complaining," Ryan said, "I'm _objecting_ to being forcibly turned against my will into a cat."

"Oh, like you're not already," Alex said grumpily.

Ryan blinked. "That makes no sense."

"Sure it does," Alex said. "You're always kind of bitchy. You hiss at water."

"Hey, at least _I_ shower," Ryan began.

"Oh my god," Z said, "shut _up_. It's _very early_."

Alex twisted so he could look over his shoulder at Ryan, giggling quietly. Ryan grinned, pressing his lips together so he didn't make a sound. Alex made wide eyes at him and Ryan nodded, pressing a finger against his lips.

"Thank you," Z said, and tucked her face back against Ryan's neck.

Alex pressed his mouth against his own shoulder, shaking slightly with silent laughter, and Ryan smiled back at him, flicking his gaze up to the clock on Z's bedroom wall. "It's half past eleven," he stage whispered.

"An ungodly hour," Alex said, and Z thumped Ryan in the arm, hard.

"Ow!" Ryan said, wounded. "That was him! I was being quiet!"

"Sucks to be you," Alex said, but craned his head back further over his shoulder to kiss Ryan, sleepy-warm and friendly. Ryan hummed, and tightened his hold on Alex's waist, tugging him back firmly so he could rock up against Alex's ass. Alex made a tiny, pleased sound, and Ryan smoothed his hand lower, pushing the elastic waistband of Alex's boxers down gently. Boxers were so unnecessary, he thought, pulling them down as far as he could. He had woken up without any, which was a sign of what a forward thinking guy he was. Alex wriggled, kicking his boxers properly down until he wasn't tied together at the knees, and Ryan curled his fingers around Alex's cock.

Alex made a very smug noise, rolling away so he had his back to Ryan, rubbing back and rocking forwards into his grip, and Ryan pressed a smile against Alex's shoulder blade. He jerked Alex off without any great tricks or teasing, stopping once to lick his hand and make the slide smoother, twisting his wrist a little, flicking his thumb over the head the way Alex liked it. Alex panted into his pillow, making cheerful, encouraging sounds, quiet with both the waking up thing he had going on and the threat of Z sleeping curled around Ryan. When he came, it was with a quiet gasp, and Ryan pulled his hand back, licked his fingers clean. Alex rolled over to watch him, heavy-eyed and smiling, and Ryan nudged his dick up against Alex's hip as a helpful reminder. Alex rolled his eyes but kissed Ryan again anyway, sliding his hand down Ryan's side.

Z caught his wrist just as he was running his thumb over Ryan's hipbone. "Jesus," she said. "Do I have to tell you guys everything?"

"What?" Alex said, and then, "Oh, it's today!" He took his hand back cheerfully. Ryan gaped at Z in horror, wondering when exactly she had turned into a massive cockblocker.

" _And_ you woke me up," she continued, sitting up and pushing her hands through her hair. "Maybe I should start with _gagging_ the both of you, swear to god."

Ryan froze, remembering last night, last week, uncertain confessions, exactly _why_ he had woken up this morning feeling so nervous in his own skin. Z looked down at him.

"Did you forget?" she asked, gaze softening. Ryan nodded. Z leaned down and kissed him, tugging gently at a curl of his hair. "We don't have to go through with it," she said. "Only if you want. Only if you're ready."

"M'ready," Ryan said. Alex slipped out of bed, hopping across the room as he shook off his boxers from where they were caught around one ankle. Z ran her hand down Ryan's hip, knuckles brushing the line of his cock. Ryan hissed.

"So unfair, starting without me," she said, and Ryan blinked up at her.

"Just a handjob good morning," Alex said, running his hand along the top of the dresser. "Don't get all grabby on us, c'mon."

Z rolled her eyes at Ryan and he grinned, trying not to look at Alex over by the dresser, pretending he didn't know exactly what Alex was rummaging for in the top drawer. Z said, "You sure you want to do it like—" and ran her hand down his cock again, squeezing gently. Ryan drew in a sharp breath, but nodded after a moment.

"I'm sure," he said, and Z took her hand away, stroked it through Ryan's hair instead.

Ryan moved and leaned over her to pick up his boxers from where he'd discarded them on the floor last night. He pulled them on, trying to avoid touching his dick too much. They hadn't let him come last night, either; Z riding him while Alex jerked himself off, eyes dark and mouth open (it made things really convenient when Ryan and Z were feeling lazy, how much Alex liked watching). When they had both finished, they'd rolled Ryan until he was tucked between the two of them and kept him still, Z holding his hand until he finally managed to fall asleep.

Alex said, "Hey. Hey," and Ryan looked up to find him kneeling in front of Ryan on the bed, soft, black material wound around his hands so that it wasn't immediately obvious what it was. Ryan kissed Alex and pretended he didn't know, their mouths moving soft and sweet on each other, while Z hummed and pressed her nose to the join of Ryan's neck and shoulder.

"Ready?" Alex asked when he pulled back, and Ryan nodded and closed his eyes.

They'd picked the blindfold for how soft it was, comforting and almost warm against Ryan's skin. It tied up tight enough at the back that Ryan couldn't blink open his eyes without making an effort, and it was thick enough that doing so wouldn't have made a difference. Alex was careful with him, winding it around Ryan's head, adjusting so that it lay smoothly over his eyes, tucking Ryan's hair up over it so it didn't catch. Ryan sat up, clenched and unclenched his hands, trying to work out why it felt so different. He'd sat with his eyes closed a thousand times, a million. In front of him, Alex moved, rolling off the bed, and Ryan jumped.

"Okay?" Z said.

Ryan nodded. "I wanna get up," he said.

"You need help?" Z asked.

"No," Ryan said, and wriggled to the end of the bed, standing up carefully. He could feel Alex close by, a steady, warm presence. "It's cold," Ryan said, surprised.

"There's a breeze," Alex agreed. There was a rustle of clothing. "Here's your pants."

Ryan reached out. It took him a second to work out the shape of them, which way they went on, but then he found the zip and that was okay, stepping into them. He wobbled a little, but it was okay. He bit his lip when he pulled them up over his waist, still hard, and stopped, fingers shaking. "I," he said, and a second later Alex was there, doing up his fly as matter of factly as he could, not teasing, and sliding a belt through the loops. Z tugged gently at his arm, and Ryan held both of them out, letting her slide his shirt on, leaning around Alex so she could button it up.

"There," Alex said, "all pretty again." Ryan smiled hesitantly.

Z kissed his jaw. "He's kind of prickly," she said, and Ryan could feel a look passing between the two of them. He turned his head blindly, trying to understand, and Z said, "Bathroom, Ross, come on."

Alex took his hand and squeezed it once, and Ryan smiled in his direction, grateful. He felt okay, he thought. It was okay. He just felt – a little shaky on his feet. Alex led him into the bathroom, though, and Z skipped ahead. Ryan could hear the rustle of her arranging things, picking up discarded towels from her bathroom floor. Alex waited when they reached the doorway, let Ryan run his hand over the frame for a moment, before he dropped Alex's hand and moved through, edging along the counter to the sink.

Alex pulled out the toothbrush he kept at Z's with a clatter. Ryan reached out, but his fingers closed uncertainly over nothing. Z laughed quietly and said, "Maybe just mouthwash this morning, hey," and handed him a capful of it.

They'd been in the bathroom together countless times, moving in easy routines around each other, and before now Ryan would have said that he could do it with his eyes closed. He couldn't, though, and it was a scary kind of feeling, holding onto the sink while Z and Alex slipped around him. He felt sort of jealous, like they were using the blindfold to keep him out; Alex could see Z using the toilet, her long, bare legs stretched in front of her, toes pushing lazily at the empty air; when Alex climbed into the shower (probably a pointed reference to Ryan's earlier comment) and called for the shampoo, Z was brushing past holding it out before Ryan had finished processing the request. He didn't know what to do or how to do it, so he pressed back against the sink, trying to remember where everything in Z's bathroom was, trying to pay attention only to the soft singing to his left as Z "put her face on", and not his own rapid breathing.

The shower switched off, and Ryan listened to Alex get dressed, twisting his fingers together. Alex stumbled over something and laughed, sharp and sudden, and Ryan tensed.

Z pressed her mouth to Ryan's cheek. "Hey," she said. "Hey. We're right here."

"I know," Ryan said unsteadily. "I can hear you."

Alex pressed up against Ryan's side, dressed now, and touched Ryan's cheek. "Here," he said. "Now you can feel us, too." Ryan nodded, and Alex stroked a thumb down Ryan's cheekbone, soft, considering. "Feel like a shave, Ross?" he asked, and Ryan swallowed hard.

"Yeah?" he said.

"If you want," Alex said. "If it's okay."

"Please," Ryan said.

"Hurray," Z said, while Alex went clattering through a drawer – God, Ryan really appreciated that, Alex's inability to be quiet. "No more beard burn for me!" Ryan smiled in her direction, trying not to be too conscious about the possibility he was grinning at the wall. Z touched his mouth, very lightly, just the barest brush of her fingertips.

"Here comes the soap," Alex said, but it was still a shock, the warm, wet brush against Ryan's skin, the way it tickled, Alex's fingers in Ryan's hair tugging his chin up for a moment, making Ryan gasp. Ryan resisted the urge to lick his lips for risk of eating shaving soap, and Z played idly with his fingers, the way she always did when she was distracted. Ryan tugged her closer gently, so he could smell her. She hadn't put any perfume on yet, and she smelled like soap and deodorant, and a little like sex, like them, from sleeping so close, from last night. Ryan swallowed, trying not to press a palm against himself.

"Okay, Ry," Alex said, "hold still."

Ryan barely breathed, screwing his eyes shut at the scrape of the blade over his skin, cold and unforgiving, unyielding. He didn't feel neglected anymore; could feel Z and Alex's eyes on him, and it made him prickly-hot, Alex's fingers warm and firm on his chin, tilting him from side to side, Z pressed up warm against his shoulder. Alex slid the razor in one smooth stroke over his jawline, and Ryan whimpered, couldn't help it, heat pooling in his stomach, frightened and embarrassed and turned on more than he could credit.

"You look so good," Z whispered, and her voice had dropped, lower and huskier even than normal. Ryan worked hard not to shiver, the blade so close to his skin. Alex didn't let it nick. Not once. "So good for us," Z continued, "it's so dark against your skin, Ryan, and your mouth, and – you're being so good, Ryan, so good."

Alex stepped away, came back with a warm, wet cloth to clean off the soap. "Thank you," Ryan said, small, and Alex pressed a kiss to his skin.

"Let's go have breakfast," he said.

\---

"Ooof," Ryan said, and Alex cackled.

"Seventeen and counting," he said. "You suck."

"It's not my fault," Ryan protested. "Z's couch is in a really weird place."

"Yes, indeed," Z said. "The living room. Boldly going where no couch has gone before."

Ryan made a face, edging around the arm and sitting down gingerly. "I still don't see why we couldn't do this at my place," he said. "I don't put couches in weird places."

"Ryan." He could _hear_ Z rolling her eyes. "You have a moat."

"Nevertheless," he said.

Alex patted him on the head as he walked past. Ryan tried not to sit up straighter, not to turn in the direction Alex's footsteps had sounded. "Buck up, Nancy," Alex said. "We'll kiss you better later."

"Yeah, you will," Ryan muttered darkly, and flopped back against the couch.

It was a strange mixture of being acutely aware of everything that was touching him, every sound, all his nerves on red alert, and boredom. There wasn't really anything to do when he couldn't see: books and movies were out, he couldn't move around as easily, couldn't mess around on his laptop or even do boring, petty things, catching up on emails and text messages and things. He tried calling Andy back to catch up on a few things, but it felt bizarre, talking and staring into the dark. About five minutes into the conversation, Z ran her fingers over the back of his neck and Ryan just about swallowed his tongue. He hung up pretty soon after that.

Z and Alex weren't quite able to leave him alone, either. They sang all the time, picking up melodies and singing harmonies together, and Ryan could find them in the house at any given time just by following the closest voice. Z sang, "I'll follow you into the dark," and Alex answered from the kitchen with, "In the dark of the night, evil will find you," and Ryan smiled at his hands, turning his palms up to the invisible light.

When they touched him, mostly they announced it first, if only with a greeting. Their voices were casual, easy, but Ryan could hear the nervousness underneath it. They'd never done something like this before. It had accidentally gotten dragged up before Ryan went on tour, when they were drunk and exhausted, talking about old ideas and fantasies. Then he'd gotten home, a week ago, and the two of them had been waiting, dark-eyed and fidgety.

"It's just," Z had said, staring at her lap, "we though it was – it seemed like something you wanted. And we want to – we can give it to you."

Ryan had swallowed. After a moment, he had said, "Yes."

They'd talked it out pretty clearly, Ryan thought. He knew exactly how much of it was going to be a surprise, how much of it wasn't. They'd brought in toys pretty early on when the three of them had fallen into each other, enough that they were standard fare these days, but Alex had been surprisingly vehement in vetoing their use. "No," he had said, shaking his head. "It's – not if you can't see. Not if you can't expect it properly. Just us." Nearly every possibility had been decided on, given a yes or no. There wasn't, Ryan knew, anything to be frightened of.

He was. He didn't know why, and he couldn't help it, but it was scary, sitting like this, moving like this, with only them to guide him. They knew it, too, picked up on it without having to be told, and now Ryan would get up and wander a few steps uncertainly only to have Alex appear, a hand light and steady under his elbow; he would open the fridge and hesitate, and Z would come and perch her chin on his shoulder, give him a cheery run-through of everything that was in there.

He hadn't been sulking on the couch long before Alex returned, too. "Music," Alex said, decisively. "What do you feel like?"

"I don't mind," Ryan said. "You pick."

Alex put on a record that Ryan didn't recognise. Ryan stretched out properly on the couch and listened to it, keeping his eyes closed under the blindfold, half-drowsing.

"Ryan," Alex said. "You awake?"

"Uh-huh," Ryan said.

"I'm just coming over," Alex said. He stood by the couch, touched Ryan's hair. Ryan reached up and caught his wrist, tugged Alex towards him. Alex only hesitated before he sprawled out on top of Ryan, knocking the breath out of him.

Ryan huffed and Alex kissed him lazily, stroking a hand through Ryan's hair until Ryan made a small noise, nowhere near as relaxed as he might usually be. He pushed up against Alex and then changed his mind, dragging Alex down on top of him as close as he could get, until there was no space between them, no inexplicable thing that Ryan couldn't see. He twisted one leg out and tucked it around Alex, pulling him in and rubbing up against him, and Alex made a surprised, half-amused sound against Ryan's mouth.

"Hey," Alex said, and pushed up, away, evading Ryan's attempts to chase him back. "Hey, no. You can wait."

"Please," Ryan said, and nuzzled into the hand Alex ran down his cheek.

"You can wait," Alex repeated. Ryan's dick was aching, a pointed reminder that he had been waiting for quite some time now, but Ryan sighed and sat up, moving so that his back was pressed against the arm of the couch.

"Yes," he said, and Alex kissed his forehead lightly and wandered off, leaving Ryan to sullenly will his errection down.

Z passed and asked if he wanted some tea, and Ryan shot a glare in her direction before he remembered she wouldn't be able to tell. She laughed, though, leaned down and kissed him lightly. "You're being so good," she said, and kept walking.

He didn't have any real idea of the time, not without a watch or clock he could check, but he figured it was late afternoon when someone knocked on the door. Ryan startled, sitting up straight, turning blindly towards the sound of footsteps. Then he flushed hotly when he heard the door open, heard Alex say, "Hey, Jon!"

"Hey," Jon said easily. "Is Ryan here? I wanted to try out this song and he was coming here last night—"

Ryan stumbled to his feet, the urge to flee rising, not wanting anyone to see him look like this, not wanting to let anyone look when he couldn't look back. He felt suddenly frightened, fingers trembling, way too exposed, and he made it to the doorway only to find Z there, a heavy, steadying body, waiting for him.

"Hey, Ry," she whispered. "What do you want?"

"Please," Ryan said, voice shaking, not sure what he was going to ask for.

More footsteps, more people coming into the room. "Hi, Ryan," Jon said.

"Give me your hands," Z said as Ryan stiffened, her voice still low and warm, all her attention on him, "and I'll take you away."

Ryan took one of her hands and squeezed it, then turned around. "Hey, Jon," he said. "I can't really jam just now."

Jon was quiet for a moment. Ryan wondered what it looked like, what he saw. When Jon finally answered, it was slow and uncertain, like he wasn't sure whether they weren't just playing a giant joke on him. "I'm getting that," he said. "Ryan, I. What's going on?"

"I thought you said you didn't want to hear anything about my sex life ever again?" Alex said from the other side of the room, sounding impossibly cheerful, and Ryan was almost overcome by a sudden, warm rush of affection for him. "I'm pretty sure you told me so, like, eight times. Once in writing. You pinned it to my fridge, remember?"

Jon laughed, a little shorter than usual but real enough. "Ryan," he said. "Are you – this is okay, right."

Ryan linked his fingers with Z. "I'm alright," he said. "A bit bored. Wanna hang out?"

Jon stayed for dinner, which ended up being pizza delivered to the door. It was nice, lazing around in the afternoon as it changed to evening. Ryan sat in between Alex and Z, and they usually had their hands on him, firm on his thigh, toying idly with his hair, an arm looped around his neck. He liked it, the weight of their collective touches settling him, and he even liked knowing that Jon was watching, liked the idea of someone else seeing them take him, their deliberate possession. It meant that it was true, and he couldn't see it but he could feel it.

Z handed him each slice of pizza, and Ryan ate more carefully than usual but he could still feel grease smearing on his lips, an awkward dab of sauce in the corner of his mouth that Alex swiped off with his thumb before Ryan could react. Jon and Alex were drinking beer, but Ryan stuck to mineral water, and when Z kissed him once, light and chaste like punctuation to a sentence, she tasted like apple juice.

Ryan only guessed it was dark when he started shaking, his cotton shirt too thin, hunching his knees up to his chest. Jon stood, scuffing his feet against the deck, and came to ruffle Ryan's hair in goodbye. Ryan turned his face up to Jon and smiled, and Alex stood to see him to the door.

"How are you doing?" Z asked, and Ryan shivered, turning into her.

"I'm cold," he said, "and I want, I want—"

"I know," Z said, and kissed Ryan properly, deep and hot.

Ryan nipped at her bottom lip the way she liked it and put his hand on her knee, running it up under her skirt, over the inside of her thigh, tracing his fingers along her soft, warm skin. Z breathed in sharply against his mouth and Ryan smiled, stroked his fingers at the cotton of her underwear. It was slightly damp and Ryan felt dizzy, overwhelmed, wondered if it had been all day. He nosed along her jaw, and Alex said, "Say 'cheese'!"

"Jesus," Z said, and pushed backward, away from Ryan. She sounded breathless. "If you tweet that shit, Greenwald, I swear to god—"

"Oh no, baby," Alex said, and he was trying to tease but his voice sounded rougher than usual. Ryan blinked, slow against the binding over his eyes. "This is just for us."

" _Z_ ," Ryan said, trying to remind her of what was going on. "Please." Z was already standing up, though, taking his hands and helping him to his feet.

"No," Alex said, and Ryan's heart sank.

Z laughed. "Come on," she said. "You can wait a little longer. You don't want to skip dessert, do you?"

\---

Dessert was sitting cross-legged on Z's bed, opening his mouth when they told him to and trying not to jump when his lips closed over cold steel and vanilla ice cream. It tasted impossibly cold and sweet, and Ryan licked the spoon clean before he let Z tug it out of his mouth, dig it back into the tub. He could hear Alex and Z eating, the soft sounds of their mouths, and guessed that they were sharing one spoon, passing it around. He had to wait for his turn, and he was starting to lose his patience.

The next time it was strawberry; a Neapolitan tub, then, and Ryan made a frustrated sound and leaned forward, half-missing Z's mouth, just getting close enough to lick chocolate off her bottom lip. Z laughed and batted him away easily, and Alex was whispering to her. It felt at once easier and harder to hear, and Ryan leaned forward, slipping a little on the sheets, off balance again.

"Hey," Z said. She caught him slightly, and Ryan shook his head. "Okay?"

"Yeah," Ryan said. "Yeah."

The blindfold was coming loose, not as tight as it had been in the morning. Ryan had tightened it once, earlier in the day, but he'd felt weird afterwards and left it alone. Now, he could feel Alex shuffling over the blankets behind him, untying the bow and drawing it tight and dark against Ryan's eyes, pulling the knot tight again. Ryan opened his mouth slightly. He'd forgotten how tight it felt, how thorough the dark was. There were degrees of everything, he thought. He put out a hand and it landed on Alex's knee. He scratched lightly at the denim of Alex's jeans, and Alex reached out and scratched right back at Ryan's knee. Ryan smiled.

Z was moving to his left, Ryan thought, sounds he couldn't decipher. "What are you doing?" he asked, turning his head, and Alex smoothed his hand out, his whole hand curved around Ryan's knee. It felt bigger than usual, warm through Ryan's trousers.

"I'm putting the ice cream on the ground," Z said. "And taking off my shoes, because I forgot to take them off downstairs and now there's grass on my bed."

"Sucks," Ryan said. His voice was shaking a little. Z climbed back onto the bed; he could feel the mattress dipping under her weight.

"Can you stand up, Ryan?" Z asked. "It's going to be a little bit wobbly, but we'll help."

"Yes," Ryan said, and they each took one of his hands and helped him climb up to his feet, steadying him when he wobbled on the bed.

"I'm taking your pants off, Ryan," Alex said, and normally Ryan would have made a smart comment, or Z would have laughed, but no one did and Ryan was grateful, tipping his head forward and curling his fingers into loose fists as Alex lingered over the zip, tugging it down and then going to his knees as he pulled Ryan's pants down, helped Ryan step out of them. Alex curled his hands around Ryan's ankles, Ryan could feel his breath near Ryan's knees. He was trembling, he realised distantly. Z smoothed a comforting hand over his ribs.

"Now your boxers, yeah?" she said. "And I'll do your shirt."

"I can," Ryan said, and raised hands to his buttons, but he spent nearly a full minute fumbling over the first one, and Z pressed a kiss to his collarbone.

"It's okay," she said, and they stripped him together, nimbly and quickly, until Ryan was standing naked in the middle of the bed, and he couldn't see, couldn't see. It was warm in there, in Z's bedroom, but he was still shivering, having a bit of trouble concentrating on things, mind flitting from thought to thought.

"Ryan," Alex said, in front of him, and Ryan leaned forward automatically. Alex kissed him, and when he pulled back he said, "You look really good." His voice was much lower than usual. Z shifted beside Ryan, leaning forward, the cloth of her sleeve brushing against Ryan's bare arm, his chest, and he listened to her kissing Alex. When he reached out to touch her she startled a little, but then sank back into Alex, and Ryan ran his fingertips lightly down her cheekbone, across her face, trying to see them properly in his head. He'd seen them kiss a hundred times, but he wanted to take the blindfold off. He didn't. Instead he ran his hand along their faces, and when he reached their mouths one or the other of them licked at his fingertips, sucked his finger into their mouth.

Ryan breathed out, and they broke apart. Ryan said, "Please."

"What?" Z said. "Tell us, Ryan."

"I've been waiting," Ryan said, stumbling over the words, voice rough, "I've been waiting all day and you told me to and I did but I want, I want, and I can't see you, please touch me, please—"

"Yeah," Z said, "yeah," and Alex moved away and did something, Ryan couldn't tell what, the weight on the bed shifting. When he came back he wasn't wearing anything, hot skin pressed up against Ryan, and Ryan moaned and swayed forward, lost his balance completely. They both stumbled to their knees. It almost frightened Ryan, the suddenness of the movement. He stilled with Alex's arms still around him tugging him closer, until Z laughed, sweet and sure. "I'm surprised that hasn't happened earlier," she said, and Ryan rested his face against Alex's shoulder, listened to Z step off the bed, her careful movements. She was folding her clothes up, he knew, which she tried to do every night but only remembered about half the time. Ryan liked that she tried. He liked that she had remembered tonight, too; it felt like she wanted to take her time, like she was being deliberately slow, and Ryan liked that, the way it felt like they were thinking about him, planning ahead. Ryan was asking a lot, he knew, and they knew. The tour had been long and tiring and busy. Ryan wanted them to watch him and only him, even if he couldn't watch back.

When Z climbed back on the bed, she pushed her hands through her hair, tugging a little, the way he liked, and tilted his head back to kiss him. Alex wrapped his hand around Ryan's cock and Ryan groaned, folding into them. "Fuck," he said, against Z's mouth, "fuck, fuck," and Z pulled back.

"Little bit impatient, darling?" she said, and he could hear her smile. Alex giggled, but Ryan didn't mind so much.

"I waited," he said, and Z smoothed his hair back, kissed the corner of his mouth, behind his ear.

"You did," she said. "Such a good boy, Ryan."

"Probably a reward is in order," Alex said. Ryan shivered.

"What do you want, Ryan?" Z asked, but Ryan shook his head, didn't know what to say, didn't want to have to say anything. Alex touched his hand to Ryan's mouth and Ryan opened eagerly, sucked in Alex's fingers. He let his teeth drag at the pads of Alex's fingertips, curled his tongue around them. Alex was breathing raggedly, Ryan could hear him, and he bent his head down, wondered how much light there was in the room, whether it was completely dark or if the bedside lamp was on or the overhead light. He wondered how he looked to them, and he thought about the photo Alex had taken with his phone and wondered if he would ever be able to look at it.

"Okay," Z said, "okay," and breathed out shakily.

"She's touching herself," Alex said, low in Ryan's ear. "Totally not as patient as you, hey? You know her face, Ryan, when her eyes get all – so fucking intent, and she's looking at you, Ryan, can you feel her looking at you, getting herself off on the way you look like that, all ours—" Ryan bit down on a curse, nipping at Alex's fingers, and Alex laughed quietly. "You want to help her out?" he asked, and Ryan pulled away from Alex's fingers fast enough to make Alex laugh again, turning blindly for Z. She wasn't touching him, and he'd lost track of where she was on the bed again.

Alex's hands were low on Ryan's back, guiding him, and Ryan shifted down onto his knees, then onto his stomach, propping himself up on his elbows, unable to help rubbing against the covers, letting out a shaky breath. Then Z was there, her knees under his hands. Ryan smoothed his hands up her legs, wriggled forward until he could press a kiss to the inside of her thigh, running his nose along the skin so that she breathed out a laugh. He shifted up, and it was strange and awkward, finding his way like this, but Z parted her legs and Ryan brushed his nose against wiry pubic hair and breathed out. He ran a hand up against her, slipping fingers against where she was wet and parting against his touch, and followed it with his tongue, a little clumsy, over eager. Z moaned anyway.

Ryan moved his hands to push at her legs, and Z reached down to twist her hands in his hair, guide him forward. He smiled for a second, remembering how she'd told him once that she liked the strain, the ache of forcing her legs apart as far as she could; how she'd done the splits when she was a teenager, wide-eyed and blinking in front of the mirror, staring at herself, savouring the ache like the good kind of bruise. Z didn't seem to appreciate his smiling, though, and she tugged forward determinedly, until Ryan was being guided by her, mouth open, flicking his tongue as best he could, while Z pulled him up and against her, hips rolling down. Ryan tried to breathe deep, but it wasn't working very well; he felt dizzy and turned on and ungainly with it, rocking his hips against the blanket, making stupid noises against Z.

It wasn't like he'd forgotten Alex, but he still jumped when he felt Alex's hands on him, sliding along his hip, parting his cheeks. Normally, normally Ryan would have guessed exactly what Alex was doing, but everything was unexpected like this, and he had to turn his face away to bite at the soft skin of Z's leg when Alex slipped one long, slick finger inside Ryan. Z ran her hand through his hair and said, with impressive control, "Okay?"

"Yeah," Ryan said. "Yeah, I just – talk to me, please talk to me—"

"Okay," Alex said. "I'm adding another finger now, Ryan, s'cool." Ryan moaned, rocking back onto Alex's hand, urging them in properly, past the first knuckle, twisting him open. They hadn't done this in a while, not since the tour, and it stung a little. Alex knew, though, without being told, said, "I'm going to take it slow, give you a bit of time to get used to it, yeah?"

"Yeah," Ryan managed, closing his eyes against the blindfold, blinking them open again. He could feel his own hair falling against his face, the slight tickle of it, could feel the blankets against him and Alex's fingers twisting inside him and Z against his face. His mouth was still wet. That reminded him of what he had been doing, and he turned back to Z, moved up slightly, just enough to kiss apologetically just below her belly button. Moving up to his elbows for that moment made the angle of Alex's fingers change and he said, "Fuck. _Fuck_."

"Ryan," Z said.

"Show me," Ryan said, and she twisted her hands, pulling his hair tight, pulling him in against her, and Ryan licked at her, long strips, bumping his mouth forward with just a little more pressure at her clit, the way she had showed him. He was getting messy, he could feel it, his whole face, and he was glad that Alex had shaved him today, that would be more comfortable for her. He thought about Alex shaving him again and Alex curled his fingers inside Ryan and Ryan moaned, panting open-mouthed against Z.

"Third finger, Ryan," Alex said, and Z let her hold go long enough to stroke one hand down over Ryan's face, over the blindfold. Ryan bit at her fingers when she moved them down, pressing forward, pushing his tongue into her, twisting, listening to her cry out, listening to the low murmur of Alex behind him. He couldn't tell what Alex was saying, but he could hear them both.

Then Alex said, "Think I'm gonna fuck you now, Ryan," and Z made a choking sound above them both, fingers tight in Ryan's hair.

Ryan pulled back a little, just enough to say, "Please. _Please_."

Ryan heard the rustle of a condom being torn open. Then Alex was fucking him, each rough thrust sending Ryan forward onto Z, Z holding his jaw tilted up, hands tight in his hair, rocking down onto his tongue and fucking his mouth. Ryan could just barely keep his balance, hands resting on Z's thighs, keeping her open and spread. He only really registered Z coming when she was scrambling backward, too sensitive to be touched.

"Up, up," Alex said, and they were shifting, awkwardly, Z's hands the only thing keeping Ryan from falling completely. They ended with Alex beneath him, knees up so Ryan had something to lean forward onto. "Wait a second," Alex said, hoarsely, and he sat up unsteadily, gasping as Ryan shifted on his lap, pressing his forehead against Ryan's back and holding him still there. Ryan's heart was racing. It had been a while, for him and Alex, the whole fucking tour without him. Now, they all sat perfectly still and breathed, Alex shivering beneath Ryan.

"Okay," Alex said. Ryan picked up a rhythm cautiously, riding Alex slowly. He wasn't very good at this, and they knew it; he liked having someone beneath him or being beneath them, but he could never get his hips to roll right like this, and he was wondering what the point was when Z rolled a condom down onto him without warning.

" _Z_ ," Ryan said, and Z kissed him, brief and short, before she was fitting against him, tiny and flexible. She sank onto his cock, kissing him absurdly soft at the same time. Ryan cursed against her mouth and Alex rocked up into him, and Z pushed up on her knees and rolled her hips back down, so much better at it than he was. It was a stupidly awkward position, and Ryan couldn't imagine how ridiculous it looked, but it was worth the strange positioning of limbs to feel both of them like this, surrounding him, kissing wetly over his shoulder.

"You're so fucking beautiful," Z said, "you can't see you, but we can, you're so fucking beautiful—"

"Oh, fuck," Ryan said, "fuck, please, I want—"

"Anything," Alex panted, and pushed himself up too until they were pressed together, intertwined. Ryan cried out again, saying words he couldn't distinguish, their names, asking for things he didn't understand. It felt like they were splitting him open and crawling inside, and that was all Ryan wanted, that was all.

" _Please_ ," Ryan begged, broken and fragmentary, losing his mind between the two of them.

"What," Z panted, "tell us what, tell us—"

"Just take me," Ryan said, stumbling over the words. "Just, just look at me, I – I want you guys, I just want—"

"You've got us," Alex said. "Here. C'mon. All along."

"Ryan," Z said, "Ryan, Ryan, you look so good, how are we not going to want you, every time, every—" She bent down and mouthed along his jawline, twining her hands in his hair, and Ryan came with a start, unexpected and overwhelming. He fell back against Alex, dragging Z down with him. It must have been uncomfortable for Alex, the sudden weight, but Z thought quickly. She pulled off and shifted around, helped them both roll over, and Ryan just had time to push up to his knees dazedly before Alex was stiffening on top of him, cock jerking deep inside.

"Oh," Ryan said. "Fuck, oh," and Alex pulled out, shaking, lay curved sweaty and still around Ryan's back for a moment before he moved and slid the condom off Ryan's cock, getting rid of them both. Ryan breathed out shakily. There was something like a sob stuck in his chest. He reached out. "Z."

"It's okay," Z said, and she sounded breathless still, but not as urgent before. "I don't. I'm good."

Alex moved back towards them. "But—"

"No," Z said, and Ryan could hear the stubborn tilt to her voice, felt the movement on the bed as she pressed her thighs tight together. "No, I. I like it like this. Feeling you."

Ryan was still trembling, he realised, shaking uncontrollably, and Z moved around and tugged them into the middle of the bed, pulling back the blankets, manhandling him under them. He was all alone under there. He couldn't feel them.

"Okay?" she said, and Ryan sat up, trying to follow her voice.

"Z," he said.

"Right here," she said, crawling in next to him.

"And—"

"I'm just getting a cloth," Alex called. Ryan wondered how he had gotten across to the connected bathroom so fast, without Ryan noticing. He blinked. "One second, hang on."

Ryan breathed out. Z pressed up against his side, slipping under the blankets next to him, mouth brushing along his shoulder. "Hey, hey," she said. "Are you alright?"

"I'm kind of," Ryan said, and stopped.

"Ryan," she said, and then Alex came back. The washcloth was warm and soft when he dragged it over Ryan's stomach, cleaning him up where the condom had spilt a little. He turned it to the other corner when he wiped Ryan's face, and then he moved in and kissed Ryan, kissed him clean.

"How you doing?" Alex asked, and Ryan closed his eyes, bent his forehead against his knees.

"I'm – I don't know," he said. "This is what I wanted."

Z curled in closer, and Alex put his arm around Ryan's back, so he could touch Z, too. Ryan could feel them. "Is it what you thought it'd be like?" Z said.

"No," Ryan said. He swallowed. "I still want it. I still."

"That's okay," Alex said.

"You're allowed," Z agreed, and Ryan pressed his smile against his knees, because he knew what that kind of agreement was. Z was tracing patterns up and down his spine.

"I think I want to take it off now," he said.

"Okay," Z said. "Let me turn the bedside lamp off." Ryan waited while she did so, the click of it. "It's still probably going to be bright," she said. "And weird."

"I know," Ryan said. He breathed in and then shifted, ducking under Alex's arm and lying with his face down on the pillow. "I'm gonna move slow," he said. Alex untied the blindfold and let each end drape out on either side of Ryan, didn't take it away from his eyes.

Ryan waited, taking his time, opening his eyes against the blindfold and turning carefully, rolling bit by bit to the side. It _was_ weird, even though it was dark apart from the moon and streetlights outside Z's window. Ryan blinked a lot, could feel tears springing to his eyes. Mostly he just felt the tension uncoiling from his body. When he rolled over properly, Z and Alex were both watching him, just as he had known they would be.


End file.
